I stumble for the words that could convey...

Before I jump into this next entry I want to do a quick update and let everyone know where I have disappeared to. I actually have not disappeared, I am right here; I just have very limited computer access these days. I have also spent the last seven weeks in a wonderful whirl of wind. As many of you know I was laid off from my job at the end of January. The work that God has done in my life from that day forth has been whimsical and supernatural. Within the last few weeks I found a new home, church, friends, family, work, and my future husband. I never could have planned this on my own. God is creative. God is good. Here is a little insight by way of a letter I wrote to the second greatest love of my life. (God being numero uno of course!)

Dear Bryce,

I always thought that if I decided to settle down I would lose my wings; my self conceived freedom. You have shown me that this is not the case at all. My parents once called me their “gypsy” child. I’ve never kept a job for more than four years. I have moved more than fifteen times in the last twenty-four years. And, my hair color has changed about as many times as my toothbrush, if not more. I use to fear that my life would be average. So I strived to live unconventionally. Partially because the death of my brother prompted me to seize life; but also because my greatest fear was living life in a box.

What does all of this have to do with my newest tattoo? I originally wanted to get wings tattooed on my back to symbolize my “freedom.” I would constantly say to people, “don’t take my wings,” whenever I felt the pressure of commitment. I think I may have even said those exact words to you as we started to discuss dating. (You told me you wanted to fly along side of me.) I perceived dating, marriage, children, a mortgage, a church membership, etc…as roots, as wing clippers. Those things are in fact the opposite. You have shown me that. You have given me my true wings Bryce, and the kind of freedom and life I didn’t even know I longed for, with your love. So my first wing is all yours, just for you. I spent the last three years of my life living out the verses of Psalm 40. I waited on the Lord. I fell deeply in love with Him and shared His (our) love story with others. I was obedient, and He blessed me with you. In a way that I could never fashion or imagine and no one could ever reproduce or fully comprehend.

So I will get my second wing for you, as well as our first child. I can’t fathom anything causing me to be more airborne than starting a legacy with you, and our beautiful, powerful Savior and King leading the way. I love you so much baby. Thank you for opening my eyes and softening my heart, by being the man that God created you to be. Thank you for giving me my wings and promising to and desiring to soar alongside me forever. You are my amazing.

Penny

P.S. I guess you have to fly around in circles with me until I get my second wing ;)

Psalm 40

A David Psalm

^1-3 I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened.
He lifted me out of the ditch,
pulled me from deep mud.
He stood me up on a solid rock
to make sure I wouldn't slip.
He taught me how to sing the latest God-song,
a praise-song to our God.
More and more people are seeing this:
they enter the mystery,
abandoning themselves to God.

^4-5 Blessed are you who give yourselves over to God,
turn your backs on the world's "sure thing,"
ignore what the world worships;
The world's a huge stockpile
of God-wonders and God-thoughts.
Nothing and no one
comes close to you!
I start talking about you, telling what I know,
and quickly run out of words.
Neither numbers nor words
account for you.

⁶ Doing something for you, bringing something to you—
that's not what you're after.
Being religious, acting pious—
that's not what you're asking for.
You've opened my ears
so I can listen.

^7-8 So I answered, "I'm coming.
I read in your letter what you wrote about me,
And I'm coming to the party
you're throwing for me."
That's when God's Word entered my life,
became part of my very being.

^9-10 I've preached you to the whole congregation,
I've kept back nothing, God—you know that.
I didn't keep the news of your ways
a secret, didn't keep it to myself.
I told it all, how dependable you are, how thorough.
I didn't hold back pieces of love and truth
For myself alone. I told it all,
let the congregation know the whole story.

^11-12 Now God, don't hold out on me,
don't hold back your passion.
Your love and truth
are all that keeps me together.
When troubles ganged up on me,
a mob of sins past counting,
I was so swamped by guilt
I couldn't see my way clear.
More guilt in my heart than hair on my head,
so heavy the guilt that my heart gave out.

^13-15 Soften up, God, and intervene;
hurry and get me some help,
So those who are trying to kidnap my soul
will be embarrassed and lose face,
So anyone who gets a kick out of making me miserable
will be heckled and disgraced,
So those who pray for my ruin
will be booed and jeered without mercy.

^16-17 But all who are hunting for you—
oh, let them sing and be happy.
Let those who know what you're all about
tell the world you're great and not quitting.
And me? I'm a mess. I'm nothing and have nothing:
make something of me.
You can do it; you've got what it takes—
but God, don't put it off.